Have you ever stopped and thought if it was truly enough? If the relationships you had with those around you were sustaining you as a person, or if you were putting enough work into a project or job, or if your idea of what you should be doing was accomplishing what you think it aught to. If you truly understand what it is you know, or if you can be enough without understanding that knowledge?
Months upon months have past where I have led the life of the role model, helping people see someone tangible that they can look up to and (to whatever extent) strive to gain respect of, or even to imitate certain qualities (as i’ve done with several others as well). To no end has this been an enriching and enjoyable experience. Being able to help kids see something different then what theyve been presented with and helping them get to that point in life.
Maybe the change into college is part of this, but I am wondering if it is truly enough to simply live my life to the best of my ability. On and off Ive thought about leading a message, and that was some sense of my motivation behind helping head up the bible study last spring. At the time I spent several spare moments wondering how God was going to use that experience in the future, my basic assumption was correct when I thought I would help out with a bible study on campus (which Im helping co-lead next semester). Maybe its because Im taken that next step that it’s predecessor is starting to reveal its self.
Some might pass it as coincidence that in a span of a few days three people told me I should either go into ministry or should lead a message on campus. To be honest Im not sure I can do this. I want with so much of my heart to live for the Lord but I still do hold back, just like we all do. There are so many things about it that I dont really know or in some cases, know but dont understand.
Im going to try to piece some things together over break.
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In other news, I had breakfast tonight at 11:00 PM!! It was awesome. Did a bit of studying today for my ARTH test tomorrow, I really love the Greek/Roman time period and hope the test goes well. I also will probably have my own room come next semester, pretty excited about that. May you be filled with Gods spirit and Holiday joy.
Take care, enjoy the season and God Bless,
~paul