My world has been hard to describe lately. I?ve been pulled in so many different directions since I got back from France that it?s just to hard to actually sit down and think through. Now these directions I mentioned are necessarily the obvious, Paul went to get pizza, and then went to play mini-golf. Quite the contrary actually, they are mind games like none other. Trying to figure out what I?m to do now and what it is that?s happening around me.
I?m torn between two worlds right now, the world that we all can see, and the world that I am increasingly seeing more and more of. With the two in a seeming bought for which will be my focus it is hard to be in the middle. I know which I am to take, which I will end with, and which will die away. It?s something that I never dreamt I would be in the middle of. Here I am, sitting and watching my views of everything around me change, loosing interest in things that used to interest me (ie. politics, pop-culture, random information, even history) and taking in so much more on a daily basis then I can explain or transcend to anyone else.
While it may seem like I?m very confused by what I wrote, the weird thing is that I?m not. I?ve never seen things so clearly as I am right now. It?s just the matter of me taking the steps I need to in order to live the life I am destined to. As clich? as it sounds, to accept my fate and realize that I will never be without love, passion and strength. Now to live that instead of knowing that, thinking of the dreams that I?ll loose. That?s what hurts, and I?m sorry.
Caring and Loving through the grace of Christ,
~paul