I love where I’m at in life, I won’t deny that. Being able to see the fruits of my labors flourish in front of me more then I ever dreamt they would. It’s an experience I hope everyone has once in his or her lifetime. That’s not the aspect I wish was different though. I just feel distant from nearly everyone I meet, part of me believes it to be self-imposed but the more reflection I do the more it seems to be related to my work and the effects it’s had on me as a person.

There have been things I’ve done with work that have forced me to grow up fast and develop my professional appearance and mindset (though some may say I’m still working on the appearance part…). I developed those aspects because it was a necessity for the success of my ventures (events/movies) and it’s had a profound impact on me as a person. Allowing me to see things in several different lights and from perspectives that aren’t visible to a large portion of the people I meet.

Maybe my expectations are out of kilter, that people should think at the level I do or be able to challenge my philosophies and thought process and hold conversation that don’t include pop-culture (no matter how alluring it may seem, it’s really not worth wasting your time on) or stating the obvious that should go unsaid (ex: what is on the TV at the current moment, reading street signs without point, ect).

Even though I doubt that anyone observes this about me it doesn’t keep me from feeling, as a friend of mine put it, “not lonely, just secluded.” I’ve met awesome people at school and have some great friends back home but don’t have very many who I feel truly understand me and where I’m at. I do open up to people but I can just sense that they don’t understand what I’m going through. Talking to some of them it only affirms my assumptions correct.

Now to the title of this post, I wish I could be back there. That the people around me would just understand me like so few people have and that I wouldn’t feel like they didn’t. That I could be in the same place in my life, maybe it’s just less mature and experienced. For once I just wish to remember what that felt like. Why can’t I? There is no way for me to unlearn and un-experience what I have been through. This forms the reality that my daily life revolves around and to which I’ve grown so accustom, but we can all have impossible dreams… can’t we?. If I could only meet someone at school who just understood me with very minimal explanation. That would be asking to much though.

Wow my first actual post in a while.

Take Care and God bless,
~paul