If a blue bird could sing
a song as sweet,
As the one you did,
when you spoke to me.

Maybe I would learn,
hang on every note and word,
to later silently relive
the beauty of what was heard.

But like the bird you left
filling my heart with regret,
leaving me sitting here
remembering what I’ll never forget.

Thinking about that night
when we talked till three,
how the skies opened up
poured out tears with me.

Thinking about that night
when we came to our end
How we both cared so much
yet didn’t try to mend

Thinking about that night
with our final hug,
torn and tattered hearts
slowly unfreezing time
with burning desire to understand

~paul prins 9/10/03

Life is constantly teaching us lessons; there are lessons that we leap out of the gate to share with others and then those dark secretive lessons. The ones that are taught to a part of us that we wish not to expose to the world and they end up shut inside out minds longing for an avenue to experience and enlighten. So often we’ll experience such polar emotions, our bodies broken so sharply that the simplistic and slightest shift brings out a beast we are striving to suppress. We make a decision to take a side of this internal conflict, this war raging through the fiber of our understanding and comprehension that allows us to suppress the other.

 

Every now and then the suppressed scream so loud that it resonates through your mind and thoughts till you have to allow it a similar appearing avenue to travel, except where no one will ever witness it. Where you will allow it to become feeling expressed to four cold hard walls and a pen whose scribbling motion longs to transcend the indescribable. It’s now been at least seven months since we parted ways, since I raged my hate through a pen into words hoping to cure my pain and hate (which I realize I haven’t posted here, or had and then deleted, so I’ll post that later).

This is what was suppressed, I longed for no one to see me and feel as if I still cared the world for her. I didn’t understand how I could and these words and emotions came out, leaving me so confused. Since then I’ve had the chance to grow and realized that you can be on both sides of the fence, I could deeply love someone and detest them at the same time. Here are my positive sentiments, the later will come with next entry tomorrow.

Take care and God bless,
~paul prins