It?s now been well over a week since I?ve written anything. Time has yet to slow down and in some respects time is only getting faster. The last week of my life is a complete blur and it leaves me wondering what I?m doing and more importantly, if I?m doing it right. While I try to approach everyday with a light heart and open mind, seeking out people and work with true peace and excitement there is a part of me that is scared to death through all of it.
For the first time I understand so much about what is going on around me spiritually, the battle that I?m completely enthralled in and have been since I accepted Christ. Seeing the world revolve around me like I?ve never seen it before and allowing my eyes to witness fruit ripen before my eyes. Seeing people seeking His face and the life we all desire in Him. It?s like nothing I?ve ever experienced before. This is where the title of the post will start to make some sense.
Never before have I seen people like I am. It also means that I?m seeing the people not growing, the people who aren?t bearing fruit and who are slowly drifting away. Seeing every action I take affecting those around me for more then they are willing to admit. Praying that I don?t do anything that would have negative eternal consequences for my friends who I care so much about. Watching my roll change from what it was last year and it?s not that I don?t welcome the change only that I wish I wasn?t so scared by it. There has been a lot going on lately and I?m not really concerned that it will get done, or that I?ll be ok. I?m scared that I could miss what I?m to do.
The vote is still out on if being scared is good or bad. If I weren?t scared I wouldn?t be praying as much, and then wouldn?t have as much dependence upon the Father. On the other hand though being scared could cause cowardice or something similar. My greatest fear is that I will do something that?ll keep someone from knowing God, so I seek Him everyday and know in faith that won?t happen.