If you were to start walking how far would you go before you reached the end? What time would you walk until, what hour would you turn around at? This weekend has made something real that I wasn?t sure could happen. Not matter how many times I had seen it foretold I still put it out of my mind as something other than it was to be. I see the people around me and can?t bring myself to see now what it is I?ve already seen.
It?s hard for me to think that I am the one that he wants to use. As I sit here in waiting for the day that makes all of this labor and living worthwhile I can?t sit idol hearted with busy hands. There was so much that was so easy to give up, so many things that in the long run are so petty. I saw how God could provide for me and has He ever done so. I?ve been so blessed and can?t help my understanding that because I?ve made such a commitment to Christ already that He desires me to keep going past the things I see as so inconsequential (career, friends, college, degree, breaks, work) to the things that I don?t want to let go of. These are the hardest because you don?t even realize that you are holding onto them so tightly until they are being tugged at. When you look into a mirror you don?t see them because they are held so tightly inside that it just seems to be part of who you are.
All the while Satan is hardening your heart through those things you hold so close.
?Retire from the world and all conversation, only for one month. Neither write, nor read, nor debate anything with yourself. Stop all he former workings of your heart and mind. And, with all the strength of your heart, stand all this month, as continually as you can, in the following form of prayer to God. Offer it frequently on your knees. But whether sitting, walking, or standing be always inwardly longing and earnestly praying this one prayer to God:…?
I?m going to try to hard to seek God in prayer this month at times like those listed above. This may not make the most sense in the world, but I know that humility helps protect you from spiritual attacks and they are only going to get more intense. I must be broken and humble before my Father, our God, so that I might finish the race.
Keep seeking His face,
added on 9/27/04 at 10:59:02 am
is it not crazy how God opens up passages of scripture to you when you need them.
?Go and proclaim in the hearing of Jerusalem:
??I remember the devotion of your youth,
how as a bride you loved me
and followed me through he desert,
through a land not sown.
Israel was holy to the Lord,
the firstfruits of his harvest;
all who devoured her were held guilty,
and disaster overtook them.??
I remember a time when I loved Him so much and didn?t let such small things get in the way of that or keep me from Christ. I?ve followed God to some of the darkest and driest corners of this planet (France) and would go again jut to be following after Him. Man I wish these funks could just never happen, but without them I wouldn?t have nearly the drive and love for Christ that I do. Thank you Father for your patients with me, today will be a good day with You.