Well I figured it out; I know what I was so frustrated with in the last post. It?s being here, I?m tired of being here at home. Part of it is that they can?t see past who I was to who I?ve become after a year, they still look at me like I was. To be honest, as much as I liked who I was in high school I like who I am now so much more. I miss being around people who see that, who see it and don?t need to say anything about it. Basically I?m just worn of people looking at me like I?m no different then before, or treating me indifferently.
I?m just feel more and more like I don?t fit in here, that those around me are just there and don?t understand what it is I?m going through. That they see it as what is to be expected and miss the barriers that I am working so hard to break through. The fact that they don?t understand what took place in France, or what that work is even like. How I?m looking forward to be with people who can talk candidly about our summers. People who understand evangelism because they?ve done it, not because they?ve heard someone else talk about it.
It is tiring to live here, to spend my time reading because it?s the only way I can meet with someone who understands. That so much of the world around me seems to engulf those around me. My dad who can?t see past who he?s become to who he is destined to be and has grown so hard to the world. Friends who look at me with blank stares unsure of what to think or believe. My Christian friends who don?t understand the need for evangelism, or even what it is and how it works. Friends of mine who look at what I?m doing and don?t take the time to understand or ask questions. It?s frustrating to know what I do, to not be able to share it with anyone. Makes be question what I?m doing next summer, though through prayer and fasting this city and me will be ready.
Take care and God bless,
~paul