Its really weird to be here, about to lay my head to rest without being able to say goodnight to her, to wish her the best tomorrow, or to pick on her knowing that on the other side of some screen or phone she was laughing. I try to avoid being sappy when I can, so sorry if this post is a bit heavy (considering how introspective most of what I write is, she hasnt come up much on here). This morning bright and early I saw her off at the airport with her parents after quite the crazy road getting her there. It was really awesome to see how everything satan through up in her path didnt stand, but the Lords calling her to serve Him did and will this summer. To stand to the side watching her move through the queue and pass through security, it was surreal. We were doing it, we had put Christ so far first that we accepted the fact that we would only see each other for about 10 days in 14 months or longer. To have a girlfriend so in love with God to put Him above me, indescribable.
This is really it though, shes really out in South Carolina and Im really here. There are those fleeting thoughts that run through my mind, that she could meet someone out there, but they are quickly dismissed as foolishness. Weve been able to be there for each other in some really hard times (unfortunately mostly for her) in the short time weve been dating. Now this, with just shy of five months in our relationship (with the first month being long distance) we are embarking on this adventure, this trip to different parts of the vineyard to do the same work. God knows where we are at, the things that bring our hearts to rest or to flutter and skip a beat. Most importantly He sees where He desires us, where He has already led us, every bit of work Hes going to do through us, and our unique brokenness.
To spend time wondering, praying, and imagining the future it is humbling. Ill be the first to say that I dont understand a lot of things, I dont understand why God wants to use me, and how the heck He will use me for Jordan. I dont even know if were going about this relationship the right way. There are things that will never change, and may that God sustain us, her, and me. All I really know is that our relationship is not only with one another, but also resting in Christ, in that I find so much peace. May we grow closer together by drawing closer to God.
Im running out of things I feel like writing about. Its been a weird day. A day that is set apart in my mind as I lay to rest tonight. Lord give me the strength to be what you are asking of me to be, to let everything go. Including the girl I saw off this morning, so that you can bring her back molded and prepared to live your will. I only pray that Im a part of it.
Keep letting Christ move unhindered,
~paul